i thought i was older and smarter than that. i thought eating disorders were something i dealt with in high school, and that even though i restrict nearly everything i eat and constantly berate myself inside, i thought i was fine, living a normal life.
doesn't everyone have a dark cloud constantly over themselves? isn't life supposed to be painful and terrible, with happiness out of the question? i thought so. and i still do think so. but one part of me, a small part that sticks by who i really am deep inside, knows that isn't right. ed must be stopped. i don't really know how, but i'm taking steps to do so anyway.
example 1: lunch
before...
& after.
it's not as much as i should be eating for an entire meal, but it's progress. and i cleaned my entire plate! the voices were a whole other story entirely, but i did it. i guess that's the trick. take each meal, each snack, one step at a time. i'm going to try not to think about how "bad" my day/week has been, but how healthy and tasty each individual meal is.
i'm also going to try this new trick i learned in therapy to further attempt to kick ed's ass: say five positive things about myself each day, out loud. i don't even have to believe it, i just have to say it. i'll practice...
1. i am beautiful inside and out
2. i love my skin; it is unique
3. i deserve to be healthy
4. i deserve to be happy
5. i am a special individual
it sounded odd saying these affirmations out loud to myself. it was kind of hard, because they are things i would never normally say to myself. it's usually me saying the opposite. i liked it though! it felt empowering. hopefully one day soon i will start to believe them.
No comments:
Post a Comment